I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I could fuck to npr.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
