i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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