We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
