I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
