I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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