you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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