marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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