she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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