dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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