you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
