I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
