ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
