I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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