he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
