ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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