Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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