Please, let me fuck your mom
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
