Just fell off a train. Bad.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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