You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
