So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
