Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
