Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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