I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I want her autograph on my taint
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
