My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She's the barista slut.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
