Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
