she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
