$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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