PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
