You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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