peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
