Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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