ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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