well I can't set my house on fire every night
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
