i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
