it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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