I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
