her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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