3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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