I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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