once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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