...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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