We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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