I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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