I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She's the barista slut.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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