Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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