Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
