drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
