is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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