I'm laying in your front yard are you home
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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