Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I could fuck to npr.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
