it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
