We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
